Monday. Never kind. Even now.


This morning, I got up early, straightened my hair, put on a dress and drove down to the unemployment office to be there when they started processing claims.

I got there 15 minutes early, and there was already a line. While I was waiting, I noticed there had to have been something like 50 of these kinds of motivational pictures along the walls.

Except theirs weren’t Demotivators.

They actually were trying to inspire you. It looked like a Successories catalog had thrown up.

So, because I’m a real jerk, I immediately thought of this one:


… and less than 10 minutes later, before the clock even struck 9 a.m., I was back in the car and headed back to the couch. (In time for the early run of “Maury” on local Parkersburg TV!) I also was not signed up for unemployment. You win again, life. Even when every day is Saturday, Monday is unkind.

Stuff nobody tells you when you unexpectedly lose your job: It’s not where you live, kids. It’s where you work. My office was in Pennsylvania, so I got to spend some time talking with America’s second-favorite Commonwealth. I popped right up in their system. After a three minute online application, I’m set.

… which is just something so strange to think, much less type.

Blank canvas or something? The perfect chance to find a new beginning? Or, the perfect chance to just go to Panera every day and set up? Write, send out resumes, make connections. I think I just have to get out of the house. I love my house, and I love my couch, and I love how much I’m actually at home now, but “Monday through Friday Me” isn’t adjusting to being a lady of leisure. It feels like an itchy wool sweater.

More stuff nobody tells you when you unexpectedly lose your job: They really send the B-team out for the day shift on Food Network. Woof. Talking about shows that were last fresh in 2010. The Land of Failed Audience Surveys. Except Ina. Ina was in the rotation. Today’s entire episode focused on cheese. You’re welcome.

At any rate, I managed to learn not one, but two things today. Banner day.

Regarding my previous post, my favorite Frappy Hour companion Mike tells me that in America’s favorite Commonwealth, it’s illegal to serve alcohol in an establishment without a kitchen. So, if i open up my Easy Mac and microwave buffet, it won’t be there. Must be a kitchen.

Guess it wasn’t a wasted day after all, eh?

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